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Why do some people like BDSM bondage?

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tickleme2
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Why do some people like BDSM bondage?

Post by tickleme2 on Mon Jan 23, 2017 9:16 am

Why do some people like BDSM bondage? I mean I do like bondage just not being tortured in pain, but otherwise is fun. I like being tied up and tickled. However I find it bizarre that some people's sexual fetish is getting tortured. Any theories as to why people might like this? I prefer peanut butter. According to my doctor, my body requires more salt than sugar. So I naturally prefer salty foods, like peanut butter. So, answer my question biologically rather than with useless sarcasm. So I quest could be the same to people who likes pain. There body is craving pain.

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Post by verz on Mon Jan 23, 2017 11:08 am

(1) Aesthetics. I think a lot of people aren't aware at how subtle and nuanced the BDSM world can be- I've heard people say "Why do they like to beat each other up?". But from what I've seen, so much of BDSM is about creating a sensual beauty, albeit a beauty different from what is traditionally considered sexy. Some people find it beautiful and erotic to see a person writhing in ecstasy, and some BDSM people may find nothing more beautiful than a person struggling against ropes. A lot of the time, it's simply a different aesthetic- loving the look of rope on skin, the gleam of metal, the smell of leather, the sight of a raised welt on a lover's bare bottom. Considering the high focus on paraphernalia within the community itself, I have to say that this definitely plays a big part in it.

(2) Relinquishing control. I think people seem to forget how stressful sex with a partner can actually be. Not all the time, of course, and for some people, maybe never, but usually, good, considerate partnered sex takes a lot of thought and work. You have to balance out the taking of your own pleasure with the giving of it to your partner, lest your needs not be met or his/hers not be met and you be seen as greedy; you have to focus on technique and particularly if you don't have a vocal lover, must intuit how you're doing based on detailed bodily observation; you have to cultivate or fake the right degree of emotional connection (or otherwise usually suffer the effects of your partner's viewing of the detached sex later) . . . it's tough, and I think it's why so many people find being on the submissive end of BDSM immensely attractive: there is no responsibility. It's a very primal thing, separate from the worrisome arena of the mind- you do as you're told, you take what you are given, and there is no place left for your mind to get in the way of the sensual pleasures, which are here, now, and tactile. You often hear of lots of people who have tons of responsibility, obligations, and who are leaders in their outside lives to enjoy being sexually submissive, and it's because it effectively takes them away from that high-preparedness into a place where they can truly relax and simply enjoy the sex in a way they can't often otherwise.

(3) Freedom to do what you want. Many practices are often linked with BDSM despite not really being about sadomasochism really, at all- practices like forced cross-dressing (signification) and heterosexual male anal play are two that come to mind. Many times people have desires that they want but are for some reason unable to voice or practice, usually because of shame or mental blocks, and that is where BDSM comes in to help. Men who cannot seemingly be okay cross-dressing or asking for their women to initiate anal play can tremendously enjoy the acts once it is firmly placed in the context of BDSM- they have no choice. This lack of choice frees the person; mentally, it makes some sense, that if they didn't choose it, then enjoying it has no lasting meaning or repercussions. For many people, then, the mental or actual bondage of BDSM allows them a certain freedom in what they can enjoy, ironically enough.

(4) Pain as pleasure. No, most people don't want to entertain that thought- it's sick, to enjoy something that hurts, they say, or at the very least, bizarre. And yet most research seems to show that pain and pleasure are not diametric opposites, but rather, exist on a continuum. A Harvard medical school study found that pleasure and pain are recorded in the same brain structures, and that the mental circuits associated with pleasure appear to react more quickly to hurtful stimuli than do sensory areas of the brain traditionally associated with pain. When we are hurt, the brain produces endorphin, those natural opiates, to compensate for the pain, and when sexually aroused, your pain tolerance levels raise dramatically. Some people- those into physical BDSM- can enjoy "painful" sensations during sex. Others might not, but that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with either.

(5) The stories of BDSM. One of the things I love the most about BDSM is the fact that it quite often provides a narrative. Vanilla sex, unless with some role playing, just doesn't seem to allow for the expansion of so much erotic possibility that BDSM does. I'm not saying that it is completely without it, but the roleplaying that is inherent in BDSM usually has to worked with and deliberately manipulated in vanilla sex to get the same effect. In BDSM, the roles are delineated- there is the top or dominant and the bottom or submissive, and it is clearly understood what each one symbolizes, and what they will do, even if nearly any act is open to either of them, it is open within the pre-set mold. Vanilla sex is messier, it is more chaotic, and I think that some people are drawn to BDSM for the sheer wonderful orderliness of it- it is a template but still allows for spontaneity, and it has rules that everyone agrees to follow (quite honestly, if you start comparing the two, it really does seem like BDSM comes out as a winner in this regard). The stories and roles of BDSM often appeal to people who have strong elements of theatricality and extensive imaginations. And lastly, BDSM is a physical expression of the relationships many people have. Many relationships have healthy, normal power differentials, aspects of tutelage and mentoring, care taking, that translate much more beautifully into BDSM than they do into vanilla sex. For many people, the implicit trust- and the required vulnerability- of BDSM is the ultimate expression of love, far more potent and real than just rolling around in the bed could ever express. I don't know that these fully explain it- can we ever really get down to the root of any of our sexual proclivities?- but I hope it sheds a little light onto things.
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tickleme2
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Post by tickleme2 on Mon Jan 23, 2017 11:09 am

Thank you! That's a useful answer, and what I was looking for. There is a biological/psychological reason for everything, and that is a good point you made. I also think it might be connected to our inherited instincts. Humans in history have been tortured and killed. Perhaps sexual excitement was a means of psychologically protecting the mind against the trauma of rape and torture. We may have inherited this emotional defense, since we have the same basic instincts as our primitive ancestors had. I think the less repressed people are more open about exploring the darker side to human nature through BDSM. Personal factors, and childhood losses or shocks may also factor into the equation. Like I said before I love bondage as long as it is playful bondage and not being getting tortured by pain only tickle torture.

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